Excerpts from:
Flying Within
“Where is the birthday cake?” Deborah said a little worried.
“I don’t know. But I think there isn’t one. Maybe it’s a power cut,
so I suppose they’ll bring the candles out soon.”
Some people started to talk after some moments of silence.
“Jake,” Deborah said with a whispering voice, “I’m very afraid of
the dark.”
“There is nothing to be afraid of Deb, just relax and let’s continue
our conversation. You were saying that I should have told you before
making a decision. Well, if I had asked you before what your opinion
was, and if you would have been against it, you would have been hurt
because I would have made it anyway.”
“Well, I could have convinced you...”
“It is not something you can change somebody’s mind about. If
one is clear and true to his feelings it is not possible to influence him
in such a way.”
“Jake, I’m getting nervous; the light is not coming back. And where
are the candles?”
Other people were getting agitated too. Some called the emergency
number from their cellular phones, seeing no one was coming up
with a solution. None of the waiters or even the head waiter seemed
to be around. “I suppose they haven’t said anything because they are
trying to fix it and expect it will be okay soon.” I said. We had been
five minutes in the dark when a woman started screaming. Others
joined her.
“Please calm down, calm down!” a man said to them. “Nothing
is happening. I am sure they will fix it right away. Stay calm.” They
stopped screaming.
Some people got out their lighters, but had to stop using them as
they were getting too hot. A man at a table nearby tried to improvise a
torch with his napkin. “Okay,” he said, “we have some light.” The flame
started getting out of control, almost setting the tablecloth on fire.
“You fool!” A man at the table beside his moved quickly towards
him. “You want us to get all burnt?” he said while throwing the napkin
in flames to the floor and stepping on it.
Paco Alarcon - Kahan 17
back soon.”
Mr. Karlson surely was the head waiter, and probably the man
responsible for the restaurant and its management. Sirens could be
heard outside. The fire brigade and an ambulance stopped outside.
Some firemen came in immediately and inquired about the state of
the people inside. Two doctors approached Mr. Karlson.
“What happened? Your emergency lights aren’t working?” said the
chief fireman to one of the waiters.
He couldn’t answer.
“You are gonna be in trouble, you people…”
I looked towards the door to see Deborah on her way out. I walked
to her. “Deborah!”
“Jake!” She jumped into my arms. “I was so scared.”
“It’s all right, it’s over.”
“When you left I didn’t know what was happening... and on my
own...” she wanted some sympathy.
“I know. I’m sorry. I had to do it.”
“I know, I know…”
We walked outside. A police car had just arrived. They wanted to
speak to the owners of the cars with the lights on. We stayed about
twenty minutes with them to explain what had happened. They took
our details and we left. I drove Deborah home. When we arrived at
her house, she looked at me with sadness in her eyes.
“I love you Jake, and I am worried that our life together is going
to change.”
“Just try to be relaxed about it and it will all be easier for us,” I
told her.
“But I might lose you Jake, and I don’t like the thought of it.”
“Now it is time for me to listen to what my inner voice is telling
me. It has an important message. We have to accept the fact that I need
to make some changes in my life, and without them I won’t be happy,
and neither will you.”
“Okay, if you need to change your job I’ll accept it; I’ll try not to
be a problem in this.”
“I think it is good if we are open and see what this new situation
brings for us, and how we should take care of things as they present
18 Flying Within
themselves. Whatever happens will be for the best, the best for both
of us.”
“Okay, we’ll do that.”
“I think it’s best to see each other over the weekend and talk. It’s
been a long evening,” I said.
“Yes, I think you are right.”
We gave each other a long, silent hug. It felt as if we were holding
onto something that was already slipping away from us. She kissed me
and got out of the car without saying a word. Apparently I was only
changing my job but I was already moving away from the life I had had
until then, so some process of deep transformation had already started
for me. And that was likely to affect the way I looked at our relationship
and the concepts on which it was based. No doubt she sensed that,
and that night I had a glimpse of the fact that we might not be as close
as we thought. I drove home. I wasn’t tired so I got myself a glass of
juice and sat on the porch. I thought about what had happened in the
restaurant. The fact that such a situation could take place and leave a
great number of people in such a distressed state, even people as close
to me as Deborah, was something to contemplate. To see that when
something like that happens we can, as human beings, lose our center
and our calm completely.
It was really food for thought. I felt shaken by the scale of our
vulnerability as human beings in certain situations, and by the very
ineffective response we had when the things we took for granted most
of the time, were taken away from us. I understood how much we
relied on the external references and the senses, and when they were
not available for some reason, how our minds lost control and were
full of fear and worry. It was clear to me that I wanted to develop more
that intuitive part of myself, that from my own experience, I had seen
how much it helped.
“We think we are all right,” I was thinking to myself, “that we have
the whole of life sorted out and under control. But so often we forget
that our whole sense of security depends so much on such artificial
mechanisms created by our technology, that we have forgotten how
to develop our own inner stability and strength, our inner trust and
knowledge, independently from the outside world.
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